Having a Hobo Christmas

Near the end of November or the beginning of December you find that your shoes or boots have developed a leak. You know what you want and because of the hole making your sock damp, you go out during lunch break to get a good replacement pair. No need to guess that it is raining, so you squelch around the shops looking for the perfect pair. Finally, when you have nearly run out of your allotted hour, you find them. Due to the bubbles of water escaping from the sole of your right foot you know that you have not the time or inclination to try them on. You quickly pay and the Salesman place them in a big red Christmas bag. With the constant question from the Salesman, “Are you sure you do not want to try them on?”, you escape the mall.

You now use the old schoolboy trick of a hop, skip and jump to try and keep the leaking footwear away from the wet ground as long as possible. Arriving just a few minutes late you are face to face with your irate boss.

“Come on”, he says constantly looking at his watch. “You are late for the meeting”.

The meeting runs late and you have to leave immediately to catch the train. The Wife is waiting at the station for you as it is bucketing down. Placing the big red bag into the car first prompts the question from the Missus, “What you bought there?”

This is the question that never goes well for any Husband. You explain that it is just a new pair of shoes and leave it at that. Getting home the kids rush to greet you and get all excited about the Christmas bag. Before you can say anything the wife says. “Look Daddy has bought himself a Christmas present and you kids are going to wrap it up for him to put under the tree.”

Crestfallen, you watch as the new shoes disappear up to the bedrooms to be wrapped in a small sheet of Xmas paper and a whole reel of tape. You turn to your beloved and She has an enormous smile on her face. She thanks you for getting a present you want and now she does not have to worry about your Christmas gift.

The month of December is the wettest since records began and to make things worse the sole of the other shoe has started to come off at the front. You walk with a squelch, flap, squelch, flap. Your life for the last month has been an embarrassment and a slow torture. If you do not walk carefully holding the left foot high the sole catches, bends underneath and throws you off balance. You are now living the life of a Hobo, who owns one cast off clown shoe .

Finally, with a bad case of trench foot, Christmas morning arrives and you can open your present. I should say here that you try to open your present. There is so much tape that it needs a combat knife to slash it apart. The stretched and thin tape has became almost unbreakable. This is when the crying starts. The wife and kids think that it is tears of joy, but there in front of you are two perfectly good waterproof shoes, both left.